


summer's on its way

by tinyFaeling



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24835396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyFaeling/pseuds/tinyFaeling





	summer's on its way

it’s been a long road –  
a journey,  
a lifetime forged in blood and tears and fire  
and I am  
tired  
of striving,  
and failing,  
and striving,  
and failing,  
and striving again  
to drag myself out of this hole  
that just gets deeper  
and deeper  
and  
…

when can I rest?  
when I finally lay down  
this sword of quick wit and words,  
with just a slip of the temper  
a flick of the wrist,  
so easy to cut those I love most dearly  
with a single careless phrase.

when can I take off this armor  
of anxious indifference  
and childish insistence that things get better from here?  
when can I rest,  
knowing I am safe without the armor,  
knowing that the fight is won?

there are ghosts within these memories,  
haunting and grasping  
as I cling to any reason to go on;  
the roads are cold and dark,  
I am the only warmth along the way  
and even I cannot burn forever.

I used to believe I was good for something,  
some purpose beyond suffering –   
doesn’t everyone?  
maybe I’m just here   
as a cautionary tale:  
this is what you get for thinking  
it could get better from here.

maybe I’m here to help others  
even if I cannot save myself.

maybe this is just the winter,  
and spring is on its way.  
maybe I just need to trust in the seasons,  
that life will come  
from death which comes  
from life –   
the circle holds,  
but I’m still freezing  
and summer’s on its way.

I am tired of walking these darkened roads alone;  
even the ghosts don’t walk beside me anymore.

what will you do when my spark grows dim,  
and I cannot carry on alone?  
will I fade away to nothingness?

the road is long;  
a lifetime of pain and fear and fire  
have broken me apart  
and molded me into sword and shield.  
I don’t know if I can put them down  
but I want to try  
to set them down  
so I can know warmth  
and peace  
and purpose.

I want to set them down,  
so I can be known  
not for weapons and armor  
but for the strength it took  
to pull  
myself  
out.


End file.
